Roadblocks to Passions

As I was thinking what to write about in this past month’s blog post, I asked my wife Claire for ideas. Her answer was immediate: passions.

It is a topic that I’m very interested in (I could even say I’m passionate about it, hah) and it’s been something me and her have discussed quite extensively since my enrollment in the Data Science bootcamp last September.

In all honesty, I don’t yet know how to frame or verbalize the search for one’s passions. That said, I do believe I can speak on what to be careful about. This sort of knowledge often came from people older than me, talking about their regrets of not pursuing one or another activity that they enjoyed.

So, assuming you have at least a vague idea of what you feel passionate about (or think you might, given a chance), here’s some of the common thoughts that I believe get in your way of achieving that.

The first problem is that …

… I’m too old for it! (I should’ve started as a kid)

This is probably the most common regret that I can think of. This idea, that because we haven’t done something as a baby somehow precludes us from ever doing it in our life. I think the first time that I can recall someone saying it was my dad. He stated something along the lines of wishing he learned how to play the guitar as a kid. Well guess what? At the time he wasn’t even attempting to remediate that and learn it. It took him years, even decades, before he started to do something about it!

I know it’s a cliché, but for most things in our life it is never too late to learn. Yeah, barring some incredible hidden talent, we won’t be able to start playing Dota 2 at 50 years old and compete at the Internationals. Or begin skiing at 60 and win the Olympics. But being the best should be absolutely unimportant if it is something that we truly enjoy and are passionate about. So what if we won’t be able to achieve everything we could have if we began as a young kid? 

It takes time to learn new things, but unless it’s an activity that we truly cannot do anymore (due to illness or some other ailment), here’s a simple truth: the start date is absolutely irrelevant as long as we enjoy it.

Oh, but what if…

… I’m not any good at it!

My gut response to that is: “Oh yea, says who?”

We all probably have at least some stories stuck in our minds, dating back to our childhood when we were told that we’re not as good as the kid next door. Or perhaps the realization that we can’t measure up to some kids in our class. Or think that we’re decent at a skill until we met someone who was completely out of our league. Not to mention that some of us might have memories of being bullied for attempting to learn something.

All of the above sucks, but we can’t change the past – and it doesn’t have to bring us down. Things change in our life and we might be able to give ourselves a second chance. Maybe we just weren’t ready to learn something, or the teaching style wasn’t right for us. Some years ago I talked to a friend from elementary school who struggled in math and concluded he sucked at it – that is, until much later in life. He stumbled upon a Youtuber explaining math through music and it all suddenly clicked.

Nobody starts as an expert and consistency trumps talent. In fact, so often people who are more talented actually need to practice that much more to compete at ever higher levels.

And in the very unlikely scenario that we truly are not any good at something and also never improve at it, well… so what? If we keep enjoying it, that’s all that matters.

Ok, fair. But what if …

… I need to grow up! (my passion is juvenile)

As long as we’re not hurting anyone, what is considered to be “adult appropriate” activities changes all the time. I think it’s often just other adults being jealous someone can still have fun even beyond childhood.  This sort of change in society’s perception happened to one of my passions in fact – video games. Going from the proverbial basements of the most geeky nerds to a multi-billion dollar industry. 

Nobody really knows what trends are going to pick up and what’s going to change. If we’re limiting ourselves by saying that something is too juvenile because someone else said so, aren’t we just depriving ourselves? 

Now of course, there are certain passions that may need an update. For example, we might upgrade from sidewalk drawing chalks to professional multicolored pastel chalks and a canvas.  Or an accoustic guitar over a toy one. Same passion, better tools.

Fine, but honestly …

… I just don’t have the time!

Ah my favorite excuse. Not only in regards to my passions, but I also caught myself using this with others as to why I haven’t watched X or played Z. It takes a lot of personal accountability and reflection to get out of this mindset.

So let’s break it down then. I’ll intentionally be overestimating the times here. Each day has 24 hours, out of which we use:

• 8 for sleeping (on average, people need 7-8 hr/night most of our lives)
• 9 for work (with 1 hr lunch break)
• 2 for commuting (and/or morning routine/breakfast)
• 1.5 for exercise (especially with sedentary lives, but also in general, it’s recommended to do 30 min of cardiovascular exercise per day; also included travel to the gym, shower, etc.)
• 1.5 for food prep and eating (dinner, prep for lunch for next day, cleaning dishes)

Not ideal by any means, but even with all of that, we still have 2 hours left over.

Now granted, if we have kids, pets, a partner and whatnot, it’s likely that any remaining time is going to be filled out in part with them. Or you know, doom scrolling on our phones or watching a show or playing a game.

If we work 10 hour days or even 12 hour days, then yes, unless we sacrifice sleeping or our health, we can’t do anything else. However, that does typically mean more days off though. There is also the fact that some jobs can be incredibly demanding and so we feel like we need a break after them and couldn’t possibly muster the energy for anything else.

And yet, despite everything I just described, I guarantee you that each and every one of us can take 5 minutes out of their day to work on their passion. If that’s not enough (because our passion might require travel for example), then at least take those 5 minutes to think when can we schedule it on the days we are off and make the most our of it. Or read about our passion, watch youtube videos, whatever.

Again, consistency is key and if we’re truly passionate about something, we have to prioritize it. Maybe we don’t have as much time as we’d like, but we can make the most of what we have!

Still, I’ve heard that …

… I need my passion to be my career!

Taking some of the previous points to an extreme, sometimes people believe that in order for passions to be valid, they need to somehow be able to monetize them. They just need as much time with their passions as possible. The whole “find what you love and you won’t be working a day in your life” bullshit – we might end up working much more!

Also, having a passion coincide with a career can be a double edged sword. There’s whole industries where passionate people are being exploited precisely because they’re considered to be “lucky” to work on their passions and should stop complaining. Almost(?) every single massive video game company is ripe with abuse and crunch (pushing people to the brink of their sanity and often breaking them).

And even if that’s not the case, turning our passions into work can turn that very thing we enjoyed sour. We might need to chase the current trends in order to earn money, or sign agreements with companies that dictate what we can or cannot do. We might end up losing our agency with what we do.

If somehow we truly get to the luxury of being able to do whatever, well then we’re at the mercy of our own diligence and discipline. Case in point, the eternal meme of Valve being unable to count to 3.

Summary

Finding one’s passions is not an easy task. In my view though we can at least learn from other people’s lessons and avoid some mistakes while we’re chasing our dreams. Ultimately, all of these five points that I made above are about us finding an excuse of some kind – and that can leave us paralyzed.

Have you ever struggled with any of the above? Or are there some points that I’ve missed you think are important to share? I’d love to hear some feedback!